Top 20 Chav Baby Names

Originally posted on 20 December 2004.

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Oh, dear. To start with, the definition of a 'Chav' can be found at Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary. Ooh, I will save you time from going over there by putting it here:

chav /t{S}æv/ noun (BrE, slang) a young person, often without a high level of education, who follows a particular fashion: * There are always loads of chavs hanging round the shopping centre. * Chavs usually wear designer labels, and if they're girls, very short skirts and stilettos. * Chavs still see branded baseball caps as a status symbol and wear them at every opportunity.

Another but more detailed definition:

CHAV The press in Britain has recently been having fun mocking a group for which pejorative descriptions have been created such as "non-educated delinquents" and "the burgeoning peasant underclass". The subjects of these derogatory descriptions are said to be set apart by ignorance, fecklessness, mindless violence and bad taste. For the rest of the definition: World Wide Words

More and more web sites are cropping up to share the hate for chavs. Examples: Chav Scum, Name Your Chav Baby!, Chav Freebies, and Chav World. Oh, let's not forget Chav Towns [this actually gives you a clear idea of general attitudes toward certain towns. From what I see of the list, those towns have been condemned since 1870s! :)] Already there is a couple of published books: Chav! [Amazon UK] and The Little Book of Chav Speak [Amazon UK]. Of course, there is quite a few chav jokes. here is an example: What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride. To show you how much bad reputation 'chav' has, here is a snippet from a message board thread, taken from a British web site for mothers:

Chav Alert! "On the homepage here: http://www.babynames.com/V5/ there is a poll for opinions on the name CHAVIVA!!! PMSL!" General reactions: "What a poor kid's to get saddled with that." "That's hysterical! shame they dont have a button to click that says 'tackiest ever'!!" "omg, there are 29 votes for Love it! Surely those people must be taking the piss?" "OMFG Chaviva for god's sake!!!!" "mmmmmm ill put that on my list of possible girl names along with chavetta, frogmella, spudulika...." "I knew I lived in Chav land when at my dd2's nursery I discovered a 'Savannah' and her younger sister 'Chardonnay'"

Thanks to Bad Mothers Club for those. [Note: PMSL = Piss My Sides Laughing] By now, you'd figured out that 'chav' is not a nice label. Many are trying to disassociate themselves from the "Chav Disease", including ensuring that their children won't get lumped with chav names. Well, votes are in. Top 20 Chav Baby Names [AKA Top 20 Baby Names to Avoid]:

Girls 1. Chardonnay 2. Shannon 3. Aisling 4. Ashleigh 5. Jordan 6. Britney 7. Brittany 8. Chanelle/Chantal 9. Sabrina 10. Tiffany 11. Leanne 12. Isabella/Isabelle 13. Sharon [quote: "the original chav"] 14. Kayleigh 15. Caitlin 16. Colleen 17. Sigourney 18. Catriona 19. Cameron 20. Erin [Note: a few people noted that 'chavs' have a tendency to give their children Irish names, hence the unusually high number of Irish names on this English list.] Boys 1. Brandon 2. Connor 3. Tyler 4. Jamie 5. Jordan 6. Wayne 7. Kyle 8. Duncan 9. Kevin 10. Jason 11. Aidan 12. Callum [quote: "a decent name ruined by chav scum"] 13. Cameron 14. Dean 15. Devon [lol!] 16. Bryan/Bryce/Brice 17. Darren 18. Damien [quote: "Pure chav"] 19. Harley 20. Liam

Other names [male and female] that were nominated: Charmaine, Porcha/Porche, Brooke, Brooklyn, Tiffany, Luke, Mackenzie, Niall, Rafe, Quinn, Marli, Bryony, Nikita, Ronan, Craig, Alfie, Bobby, Chantelle, Jade, Skye, Tyrone, Regan, Summer, Tess/Tessa, Storm, Cortez [quote: "yes, as in Nike trainers"], Shanice, Ananya, Bobby-Jo, Bobby Jack, Tyrone, Mason, Tammy/Tammi, Harrison, Amber, Paris, Mac, Brandeen, Devlin [Yes!!!], Teniqua, Michelle, Ciara [Yes!!!], Mia, Reece, Michaela, Sheldon, Jarrett, Cougar, Kane, Lewis, Roxanne, Dwight, Dwayne, Raven [my jaws dropped], Gary, Shaznay, Levi, Tania/Tanya, Macauley, Tamika, Marlon, Errol, Chelsea, Brianna, Kasey, Leroy, Shayney, Mitch/Mitchell, Rio, Tyson and Keegan. Someone posted this:

Also, my sister's now ex-boyfriend (thank god, he was a total chav. he eats Burberry and shits Adidas) wanted to name my sister's baby "Hannargh". What the fuck? :| It's kind of like being scared while saying Hannah. "Hey, Hann..." -attacked by a zombie- "AAAAARGH!" Around my way? Try anything that phonetically ends in 'ee'.... Anything that one can shout like so: SOOOOPHIEEEEEEE! NATALIEEEEEEEEE! STACIEEEE! KEEEEELEEEEEEEEY! BRITNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! KIRRRRRRRRRRRRRSTYYYYYYYY! Shout ad infinitum. With boys... Hmm. I think most of the chavvish boys around here have normal names.

There are many negative reactions toward the 'let's make it unique as possible!' trend of spelling already unusual names differently, e.g. Krystal and Cylie [a play on Kylie, probably]. Many agree that an attempt to give a child an unusual name is a very 'chav' thing to do. Are you curious to know whether you're a chav? Try this test: The Chav Test. I took mine and it came out at 14%. It seems that there are some chavs in the US: US babies Get Branded. According to this article, some of these babies were named after L'Oreal, Chevrolet, Timberland, Courvoisier and Armani. I think I'm going to name my future children after romance publishers: Avon for girl and Harlequin for boy. Harley for short... or Quin. If I really want to be posh, I'll go for LeQuin. That sounds classy. Be good, be bad & be safe.