Still Swimming Thru a Sea of Words
My latest RTB column is up: Title My Love. Again, sorry about lack of blog posts. Due to a devil's deal I rashly made with a fellow reader, I'm writing yet another romance-related essay with an intention to write another essay, both for her blog. Yes, you read it right: not one, but TWO essays. Ha! Lucky me(!) Christ, why did I agree before my brain finally clocked implications of the agreement? *headwall* Looking on the bright side, we will have a reader interview up tomorrow. Hm. I have a question: When I say 'spinster', what comes to your mind? Many seem to think that a 'spinster' is almost by definition deprived of a man, and is incomplete without him, and that the connotations and associations [e.g. Miss Havisham of Charles Dickens's Great Expectations] suggest it's a woman who was jilted, who pines away for him, or prepares some terrible revenge, or waits indefinitely for his return. Invariably, she is old and bitter. I think it is a shame for people to have that view of the term because, for me, 'spinster' is an honourable term that refers to an independent woman who earns her own living, e.g. spinning [hence the word]. Sorry, all that came out of nowhere, let me take a couple of steps back -- a friend came by this morning for a coffee chat [I was very bleary-eyed, which amused her, the cow]. During our chat, she was filling in a job application form when she got to 'Martial Status'. She wasn't sure what to fill in as she didn't like 'single', so I suggested 'spinster'. Her instantous reaction was throwing a string of swear words at my head while giving me a series of dirty looks. I hastily explained that it's a positive term, but she strongly disagreed. We had a mini debate, but she wouldn't move from her belief that it's a nasty word. This brings up another question: why does this word still have negative connotations? It's occurred to me that I knew little about the origins of this term, so I had a look at the Online Etymology Dictionary to see what it say:
spinster 1362, "female spinner of thread," from M.E. spinnen (see spin) + -stere, feminine suffix. Spinning commonly done by unmarried women, hence the word came to denote "an unmarried woman" in legal documents from 1600s to early 1900s, and by 1719 was being used generically for "woman still unmarried and beyond the usual age for it."Hm. What is the male version? 'Confirmed bachelor' was a code for 'gay', apparently [actually, my gran once said it was a code for 'too soddin' drunk to know where to put his wooden friend in']. Is there even a term with negative connotations like 'spinster' for men? Usually it's something along the line of 'lucky bastard' or 'the one who got away'. FWIW, under 'martial status' in her job application form, my friend chose '100% independent'. *laugh* Be good, be bad & be safe."Spinster, a terme, or an addition in our Common Law, onely added in Obligations, Euidences, and Writings, vnto maids vnmarried." [John Minsheu, "Ductor in Linguas," 1617]
posted by lost at 9/10/2005 04:11:00 pm
5 Comments:
Back in my college linguistics days we discussed the topic. Blame the societal and cultural conotations for the fact the word spinster is negative (implication of a failure on the woman's part to find a spouse) vs bachelor which is positive (implying the man is wiley enough to remain independent of having to support a spouse). When discussing marriage a woman 'catches' a man and becomes the 'old ball and chain', so it's very positive when a man remains unmarried.
Well until he hits like 40ish and then he's either icky for dating girls young enough to be his daugther or people question his sexual preferences. Where as women are expected, even in these modern and enlightened times to be paired up much sooner.
There are more and more singles in the world, but if you watch marketing the bulk of it is still designed for couples implying something is wrong with singles in our society and since it's a woman's duty to catch a man they get the bulk of the negative conotations/implications when they're unpaired.
Sorry to babble, personal soap box issue.
J. - enjoying my spinsterhood
9/10/2005 06:01:00 pm
Not to subvert the discussion of the word spinster (which does hold vaguely negative connotations for me when read in a book- because it seems to be implied that it's supposed to) but when you asked the question about why it still has negative connotations despite its etymology, it brought to mind another word that I've seen this discussion centered around...
Cunt (sorry if I shocked anyone). But researching the origins of the word show it has a very positive and powerful etymology. Eve Ensler has attempted to reclaim the word for women, but it is still considered a horrible, negative, nasty word.
Interesting that they're both female oriented words.
Sorry for the slight tangent.
9/10/2005 06:36:00 pm
When I was a teenager, I had a thesaurus that listed dozens of supposed synonyms for woman: slut, doxy, harridan, hag... you get the idea. Line after line of insults.
The same thesaurus had just a handful of synonyms for man: chap, fellow, and so forth.
There aren't many (or any?) casual words like "chap" or "fellow" or "guy" to describe women, are there? Even words like "girl" and "lady" are loaded with connotations, whereas "fellow" and "guy" just mean "some random male person." (I don't know if "guy" has negative connotations in Britain but it doesn't in the U.S.)
"Spinster" makes me think of a severe middle-aged schoolteacher scowling at her students. Whereas "bachelor" sounds like a good-looking, well-dressed guy who's out having fun every night. Why, because this is the way "bachelors" and "spinsters" are usually portrayed in novels.
9/10/2005 07:17:00 pm
I think in this day and age we consider women independent. I mean, would someone call Oprah a spinster?
In a historical sense I find the idea of spinsterhood very upsetting. What type of life did these women have. You mainly see them living with family and being governess to children. If I was reading about a woman who absolutely adored being independent and didn't care that she was a spinster then I would be fine. This may be why I would like to read more stories about women who didn't take the easy route in life. Courteseans. Shop keepers - all those french designers in the books are women so are they married or not?
I guess it is only me but I find the term bachelor depressing also. I mean, it's only fun and fancy free until your 30, then I figure people are wondering what the hell is wrong with you ;) I don't know that I would ever be comfortable marrying a man who was over 30 who had never been married before. I guess the good news is they would be a huge help around the house ;)
Am I the only woman who looks at Hugh Hefner and thinks how sad his life is. I'm sure he is happy as a clam and could care less what I think but, does he have children?
CindyS (blathering on again)
9/11/2005 03:27:00 am
Lol CindyS--me too. Hef is just putting on a show.
I found this at victorianlondon.org:
... that women who had never had sexual commerce begin to droop when about twenty-five years of age, that they become pale and languid, that general weakness and irritation, a sort of restlessness, nervous fidgettyness takes possession of them, and an absorbing process goes on, their forms degenerate, their features sink, and the peculiar character of the old maid becomes apparent.
Richard Carlile, Every Woman's Book, 1838
9/11/2005 09:44:00 am
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