The Curtain Twitcher

You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.

-- Ziggy Tom Wilson

I'm truly happy that I'm home. :D I almost fell to my knees and kiss the doorstep. I would have if I knew the curtain twitcher wasn't watching. Will told me that a couple of days ago he walked to home instead of driving home in his car, he caught the curtain twitcher looking into our neighbour's kitchen window. She had her face pressing against the glass. Will, disconcerted, said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. xxxx", and she jumped guiltily. She pulled her trademark cardigan tight and returned a greeting. As Will walked to the front door, she walked across the courtyard for her door and turned round, said, "I was only looking to see if she was in." Will said it was fine. He tried to get inside when she came up to him, still chatting, defending herself. Will said that her line of defence slowly changed to a line of enquiry. "Where is your wife?", "Your wife dressed posh the other day, was it for something special?", "Are you two hearing sounds of pitter-patter soon?", "You weren't here for New Year's Eve, were you?" and, the best of all, "I can't help noticing that she has had a few male visitors at your home while you were away. Not that it is any of my business ..." Ooh. I have a mind to go over there and give her a piece of my mind. She is lucky that I'm too knackered to make a move. Will is too amused to care, anyway. But still, it's my honour that cow is questioning! What drives me crazy is I know that every time there is someone at my door, she'd - I imagine - leap to her front window [her place is standing the opposite of our place] for a session of curtain twitching. I mean, whenever I talk to a person on the doorstep, I could see the fade but dark outline of her body behind a white lace curtain. From time to time, the curtain twitched a bit. When we first moved in a year and half ago, we didn't know about her, so we used to get smoochy on the doorstep. After all, we lived in a closed courtyard where it's quite hard for anyone to look inside our doorway [stooped doorway?], so we didn't have anything to worry about. That was until I hugged Will, looking over his shoulder, I saw the curtain twitched. I was startled but then I thought it was my imagination. Then a couple of days later, Will was ready to leave for a week away from home, we got smoochy as usual and he caught her twitching the curtain. That was the end of smoochy sessions on the doorstep. Soon we came to nickname her the Curtain Twitcher. She's harmless, really. Quite nice. She's in her 60s, she's retired, living with her disabled husband who regards his automatic wheelchair as his personal army tank. Anyone who is stupid enough to stand in his way gets knocked over, and he won't apologise for it. "Why didn't you get out of my way, you fool?" Once, last summer, he almost ran my cat over, for God's sake. I mean, my cat was lying on the ground in the courtyard, minding his own business and baking himself in the sun, when the tank driver zapped his wheelchair, at full speed, out of his place into the courtyard. He spotted my cat and shouted, "Get out of my way, you fool!" There was only an inch between my cat's tail and his wheel. I stood there, my jaws hanging open, and before I had the mind to have a go at him, he was gone. Right into a street, terrorising the others on the pavement on his way to the corner shop or such. It's so obvious that he used to be in the army. It's in his shoulder, his face and the way he shouts at everything. To a long-haired ageing hippie bloke at number 10: "Why don't you get a decent haircut, young man!" To a pretty blonde woman, at number 15, who usually wears mini skirts and high heels: "Didn't your parents tell you how to dress like a proper lady? No common sense, you!" To me when I parked my car in the courtyard, he opened the window, leaned from his wheelchair and shouted: "You drive like a maniac!" Before I could respond, he slammed the window shut. And, of course, a few minutes later when I was at my door, their white lace curtain twitched. But I like them. They provide hours of entertainment. :) Be good, be bad & be safe.